Living with chronic illness is a challenge. In addition to physical sensations, like pain and fatigue, we feel the emotional uproar of fear and anger. Sometimes we also feel embarrassment and/or guilt. It’s easy to think “I should be handling this better!” We add self-criticism on top of everything else. How exhausting!
“We’re often hard on ourselves when we’re struggling with something, especially with limitations in a chronic health condition,” says Fuschia Sirois, professor of social and health psychology at Durham University in the UK.
We sometimes compare ourselves to who we used to be and become self-critical. The unpredictability of many illnesses doesn’t help. We think we are doing well, and then things change.
“We suffer over our suffering,” Sirois explains. “Self-compassion teaches us to short-circuit that.”
Benefits
Self-compassion may offer several benefits, including
- reduced inflammation
- better pain management
- less depression and anxiety
Being kinder to ourselves contributes to our well-being.
Practice
Tara Brach, a psychologist who works with self-compassion, offers the RAIN formula:
- Recognize what is happening;
- Allow the experience to be there, just as it is;
- Investigate with interest and care;
- Nurture with self-compassion
Brach offers an online guided meditation using RAIN.
When you get upset, remind yourself of the RAIN acronym.
Jan Lundy suggests we ask ourselves “what’s the kindest thing I could do for myself right now?” You might also think of something you could do later that would nurture you. Choose a time and make a “self-care appointment.” Keeping my appointment will be an additional way you can honor yourself and your journey.
Conclusion
When you’re weary and achy, frustrated by your body and your illness, please remember two things: the nurture that you crave is within you. You can be your own best friend. Also, this may be a good time to call another friend and ask for their support. Asking for help is difficult sometimes, but it can help both souls grow deeper and larger.
Be kind. Be gentle. Relax.
References
- The Benefits of Self-Compassion When You Live with Chronic Illness, Plus 13 Tips to Practice It (Bezzy Breast Center)
- A Self-Compassion Practice for Times of Illness (University of Edinburgh)
- How to Be Kind to Yourself Even With a Chronic Illness (Psychology Today)
in your journal
- describe a time you felt weary and achy. What did you do? How could you show yourself compassion for that time?
- Use the RAIN acronym in a journal entry.
- Write about how you can use your journal as a tool for increased self–compassion.