(before writing this blog post, I listened to Joy lab podcast episode 173: practicing the art of love.)
Perhaps you, like me, have been swimming in love since before you were born. I was raised in a loving family that named me and claimed me from my earliest days.
Love is that feeling of deep affection, care, and attachment towards someone, often including a desire for their happiness and well-being.
“A deep sense of love and belonging, writes Brené Brown, “is an irreducible need of all women, men, and children. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. “
Psychologist Aimee Prasek suggests that ““Love is a skill and can be learned. We are all learners.”
Her colleague Henry Emmons has identified five lessons of love.
- Learn to love yourself first – Sometimes we mistakenly believe that we need to perfect ourselves to be lovable. Human beings are imperfect, but each of us is worthy of love and belonging. You may not realize that, as Edwin Elliott says “By being yourself, you put something wonderful in the world that was not there before.”
- Learn to see the innocence in others. – We often judge others harshly, not realizing their situations. Caught up in our stories, we become angry. We gossip and share our judgments compounding and spreading the upset. Better (for us and those around us) to assume that others are doing the best they can.
- Learn to be vulnerable. – It is only when we dare to show up as we truly are, that we can love and be loved. “Vulnerability,” points out Brené Brown, “is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.” She argues that vulnerability is not a weakness, but rather a necessary ingredient for meaningful connection and personal growth.
- Learn to listen deeply. – “You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time,” wrote M. Scott Peck. In these days of divided attention, taking time and putting your focus on someone else is an act of love.
- Learn to create a house of belonging. – The phrase “house of belonging” comes from a David Whyte poem. Emmons encourages us to gather friends in community projects. Working (and playing) together can help create a loving community.
Love is something we all need and can give. Henry Emmons encourages us all to “become apprentices to learning to love well.”
In your journal:
- Which of Emmons five lessons with you most like to learn? Why?
- Describe a time you felt someone listened to you deeply.
- Describe a time you were part of a loving group.