Often, when you are not feeling well, the way you think can make things feel worse. We can train our minds to respond to the events of our lives more skillfully.
The Buddha described two arrows of suffering. The first arrow does the wounding. That is an uncontrollable circumstance. For me, MS – and the symptoms that come with it – is the first arrow. The second arrow is the pain we create when we respond to circumstances unskillfully.
My second arrow has a colorful fletching that includes:
- frustration at plans being disrupted.
- worrying about how that will change the future.
- devaluing myself because I can’t be productive.
- Fear of disappointing other people.
Psychologist and Dharma teacher Kristin Neff defines equanimity as “the balance and calm that arises when we acknowledge human imperfection with an open heart.” She teaches caregivers to practice equanimity by repeating phrases that help them see things more clearly.
Based on her work, here is a practice for journal writers experiencing health challenges:
- Sit comfortably in a quiet place where you will not be disturbed.
- Take three deep gentle breaths.
- Say to yourself: “I did not cause my illness, nor is it in my power to make it go away. This isn’t easy.”
- Take a breath. Pause and notice how you feel in your body. Relax.
- Say to yourself: “many people experience distress like mine. I am not alone.”
- Take a breath. Pause and notice how you feel in your body. Relax.
- Think of people you love and say to yourself: “there are people who care about me. I am supported.”
- Say to yourself: “I do not and cannot know the future. I choose to live fully in this moment.”
- Take a few minutes to describe your experience. P
“Equanimity,” writes Neff, “is often the missing puzzle piece that allows us to keep compassion flowing. It helps us to find the inner peace needed to be more effective agents of change in the world outside us.”