Especially in the US, we believe that we are each responsible for our own success. Through careful planning and hard work, we believe we can reach professional and personal fulfillment.
“Every day, and in every way, I’m getting better and better,” we chant (a mantra attributed to Émile Coué, a French scientist who studied the mind around the same time as Sigmund Freud.)
Even if we don’t totally buy into those ideas, they are in the air around us and the water we drink.
Once you receive an unhappy diagnosis, you know you are not in control.
It’s a stressful situation, and your response may be to freeze, flee, or fight. You may find yourself grieving the loss of the life you had planned.
“I know I shouldn’t expect to do everything I could do before I became ill,” a woman with chronic illness told me this morning, “but I sometimes scold myself for not doing more.”
The truth is that we are not in control. Our lives are unlikely to travel smooth roads toward happiness and total satisfaction. Most of all, we cannot do it alone.
The good news is we will muddle through together. Our journeys may not be easy, but there will be moments of astounding beauty and heartwarming connection.
“All of us, at some time or other, need help” wrote Fred Rogers (a.k.a. Mister Rogers). “Whether we’re giving or receiving help, each one of us has something valuable to bring to this world. That’s one of the things that connects us as neighbors—in our own way, each one of us is a giver and a receiver.”
I invite you to redefine success. What if it’s not about planning, hard work, and accomplishment, but about giving and receiving help?
Sea otters often hold onto each other as they float. It’s a way to make sure no one gets lost or left behind.
I like to imagine that life is a long lesson in compassion, giving us opportunities to be kind to ourselves and each other. Each day is an opportunity to practice.
Letting go of the illusions of control and achievement, we can relax into beauty and compassion.
In your journal:
- “When I was diagnosed…”
- “I used to define success as…, But now…”
- “I hereby release…”