Years ago, I found myself so frustrated by my disabled body that I was pounding on my leg saying, “why don’t you work?” One pound per syllable, repeatedly with tears falling. Then I caught myself. This is not who I want to be.
Since that Day, I have been on a journey to befriend my body. This is not easy. I have been living with multiple sclerosis for 45 years. Every person’s experience with MS is different. For me, it has meant gradual paralysis to the point where I am now quadriplegic. I can’t voluntarily move any part of my body except my head. My adult life has been one of loss, medications that don’t work, surgeries, and limitations. At the same time, my life is full of beauty, compassionate caregivers, and loving friends and family.
I have been reading The Body Is Not An Apology. In it, author Sonya Renée Taylor calls us to radical self-love. She writes about the “default body” that our culture seems to idolize. You know, that thin, fit, white body that we see on runways. The body to which you unconsciously compare yourself and find yourself less than. Radical self-love means unconditionally accepting, caring for, and honoring yourself as inherently worthy, flaws and all, despite societal messages telling you are not enough.
Taylor urges us to transform society by dismantling what she calls “body terrorism.” “Dismantling oppression and our role in it” she writes, “demands that we explore where we have been complicit in the system of body terrorism while employing the same compassion we needed to explore our complicity in our internalized body shame.”
Each of us needs to unlearn our insistence on the default body and celebrate the variety of bodies around us.
She suggests we do that by noticing limited and unrealistic portrayals of bodies we see in media, examining the thoughts we have about bodies and evicting internalized voices of judgment and shame, reconnecting with the joy of movement, and working together to create change.
I rarely see people in wheelchairs on TV or movies. I have noticed that if there is someone in a wheelchair, they are often taking it in turn out to be able-bodied murderers. I am becoming aware of how often I apologize for my body requiring attention and/or medical interventions. I am continuing to change my self-talk to be more positive.
Taylor’s book is a helpful call for change and manual for next steps. She also has a workbook for readers who want to put her ideas into action.
In your journal:
- Do you see bodies like yours in media? If so, how are they portrayed? If not, how does that omission affect you?
- Write about the earliest memory you have of feeling your body was not what it should be.
- Describe a time in your body led you to joy.