“Sympathetic joy”, psychologist Jeremy Adam Smith explains, “is sometimes called appreciative joy, empathic joy, vicarious reward, or (more broadly) positive empathy.” It’s the goodness we feel when we are happy about someone else’s good fortune.
If someone we care about gets a new job, it’s easy to catch their excitement and be happy for them. But sometimes, we lapse into envy or confusion. Why did they get the job when we are still struggling?
Research is beginning to be done about sympathetic joy, when we feel it, how good it is for us, and why it is sometimes difficult. Here are some of the research results Smith reports:
- Witnessing another’s joy activates the brain’s reward system.
- Those who can feel sympathetic joy experience greater life satisfaction.
- Having a partner who empathizes when things are going badly makes for a good relationship, but having a partner who empathizes when things are going well may carry even greater benefits.
- Teachers taking joy in their student’s accomplishments felt closer to them. The students did better academically.
- Teachers and frontline healthcare workers who felt sympathetic joy experienced less burnout and more job satisfaction.
- Brain scans indicate that empathizing with positive emotions activates more areas of the brain than empathizing with negative ones.
Why do we sometimes find sympathetic joy difficult? Others’ good fortune sometimes taps into our own anxieties. If we hear a friend has received an unexpected financial bonus, our brains light up in empathy. If we have money troubles, though, it’s possible those areas of the brain won’t glow so brightly.
Resources for practice
The Greater Good website has a variety of suggestions and resources to help you cultivate and practice sympathetic joy.
- Watch a competition without taking sides. Appreciate the skill and artistry of players. Participate in the joy of the winning side, no matter who triumphs.
- Respond skillfully to others’ good news. When someone tells us about the good things that happened to them, it can strengthen the relationship depending on how we respond. Greater Good provides an exercise and a video containing tips for responding in a way that leaves both parties feeling positive and closer.
- Try to ease envy. In this article psychologist Juliana Breines offers five steps for reducing desire of what other people have, naming envy and cultivating gratitude.
- Write a self-compassionate letter. Remind yourself of what’s good and encourage yourself to carry on.
- Try loving kindness meditation. This practice helps you feel closer to others and wishes them well.
Next time someone tells you good news or you hear someone’s good fortune, take a moment to imagine their joy is your joy. Sink into the rush and tingle. Let go of the imaginary boundaries of ego and realize that, as the late Paul Wellstone said, “we all do better when we all do better.”
In your journal:
- Describe a wedding or other celebration you have attended. Were you happy for their happiness?
- Have you ever felt envious? What did it feel like in your body? What story did you tell yourself?
- Try one of the practice resource and write yourself a note about it. How did it feel? What did you learn?