How can we expand our love of others – even difficult others – and of ourselves?
In my research about love, I discovered the Revolutionary Love Project. They have identified practices to use that move us to love. I found many of their ideas intriguing, so I summarized them here. The project was founded by Valarie Kaur but includes others who agree with her philosophy. I refer to the project using “she” and “they” pronouns.
Loving the other
“Wonder is the wellspring for love,” they tell us. They suggest that we look on the other thinking “you are a part of me I do not yet know.” With that attitude, we can bring curiosity to each encounter. What do they care about? What life experiences brought them to value what they do?
Once I know that person better, I will begin to feel with them. When they experience great loss, I will grieve with them. When they experience injustice, I will advocate for them. When things go their way, I will celebrate with them!
Wonder, grieve, and fight are the practices involved in loving the other.
Loving our opponents
Valarie Kaur uses the word “opponents” rather than enemies. Enemies suggests a fixed identity. Opponents is more fluid. “An opponent” she writes “is any person whose beliefs, words, or actions causes violence, injustice, or harm.” She points out that even people closest to us are opponents sometimes. In general, she believes that people who cause harm have experienced wounding.
They identify rage as a necessary practice when facing opponents. Only by feeling and processing our own anger can we make sure that it doesn’t come out sideways and harm innocents. We need to tend our own wounds. Listening to our rage gives us the energy we need to transform the world.
Listening to opponents is important. Not trying to convert or persuade them but to better understand them. “Listening to our opponents,” Kaur writes “preserves their humanity – and our own.”
What would a world look like where we all flourish? Finding that vision is the practice of reimagining. What no longer serves us? What should we discard and what should we reinvent?
Rage, listen, and reimagine are the practices involved in loving opponents.
Loving ourselves
Our first act after birth is to breathe. That’s where loving ourselves and our bodies begins. Deep, conscious breaths. We need to create space in our lives to take care of ourselves. We need room to breathe.
To love is to labor, the project suggests. Borrowing from the process of birthing, another practice included with loving ourselves is to push. We need to know the right times to breathe and rest and the right times to “push through “painful sensations, emotions, and thoughts in order to birth through new possibilities for ourselves and others.” (I disagree with this idea. I find it more helpful to open to and feel painful emotions and drop the story behind them.)
Transition is both a noun and a verb. We want to transition to a better world and we need the courage to stay with it even when times get tough. We’ll need to summon collective wisdom to make the best choices.
Breathe, push, and transition are the practices involved in loving ourselves.
Joy is the core practice
It’s the one that sustains all the others. They suggest that joy is “what is beautiful, delightful, pleasurable or wondrous in this present moment.”
Joy gives us energy for the long labor.
The Revolutionary Love Project is reclaiming love as a force for justice, healing, and transformation. Their 10 practices are backed by research and infused with ancestral wisdom.
See how knowing this model changes your mind helps you love another, an opponent, and yourself. Leave a comment and let us know.
In your journal:
- What struck you about this model?
- Is it more challenging for you to love another, an opponent, or yourself?
- What is your “long labor”?