Recently, a friend of mine showed me how to handle hurt feelings.

I unintentionally did something that excluded her. Of course, she felt angry and hurt. She dealt with it with real grace.

First, she called to let me know how she felt. That was very brave of her.

Once I heard about the situation, I apologized. She forgave me.

In the middle of our conversation, she interrupted herself. “Hold on,” she said, “I just need to take a few breaths.” We breathed in silence for a few beats.

With the first breath, I had to keep myself from speaking. Then I took the opportunity to settele down. I paid attention to my breath and how it felt to be sitting in the chair. I dropped my story and brought myself to the present moment.

When we were both more calm, she continued with a suggestion about what she wanted to happen next. We figured out a way forward.

Discomfort in relationship is an invitation to learn from each other.

In this case, I learned how to make space to let emotions settle. I understand what happened and can try not to do it again. I’ll probably ruminate over the incident. (I mean I will think about it over and over.) Each time I remember will be an opportunity to forgive myself. It’s part of my healing around shame.

Thanks to my friends bravery, a painful situation brought us closer.

In your journal:

• Write about a relationship challenge you have faced.
• How do you deal with hurt feelings? How would you like to deal with them?
• Do you ruminate about an incident? How can you let it go?