(Before writing this post I listened to Joy Lab episode 172: making space for flow and fun (encore).)
We all need good food, fresh air, movement, loving relationships, and fun to lead healthy lives.
Psychologist Henry Emmons assures us “we don’t need to teach you how to have fun. You already know how to do that.… As long as you don’t let thinking it in the way.” He points out that anything we do can be fun if we have a playful attitude.
When we don’t feel joyful, doing something we hope will be fun can help us begin what psychologist Aimee Prasek calls “the virtuous cycle.” That cycle sparks off a cascade of positive emotions that may include gratitude, awe, and joy.
“You need to have fun to fuel your inner life,” Prasek says.
On the one hand being able to delay gratification may be a useful skill, but it can get in the way if we become too serious and/or become a workaholic.
According to cognitive behavioral therapy, Emmons points out that the number one enemy of fun is SHOULD. (“I should do this…”)
“Shoulds are hard,” Prasek adds “and sneaky.”
Barriers to having fun include our culture’s insistence on being busy and productive.
Fun is an essential element of joy.
Fun puts us in a healing state of flow.
Emmons is not suggesting a life free of responsibility but believes there is a middle way with room for fun and play.
If you have been depriving yourself of fun it may take a while to make the correction, but it can be done.
Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi wrote a book on flow. Prasek cites his work. He describes flow as feeling totally alive, when we are enthralled with what we are doing. Your actions and your awareness merge and you aren’t afraid of failure. You feel up to the task. Your self-consciousness disappears and you feel connected. You may be exhausted when you are done, but you feel full.
If you are not having fun, Prasek suggests, you are holding onto something that needs to be let go.
How do you get out of feeling stuck? Emmons reads “autobiography in five short chapters.” The document describes someone who makes the same mistakes over and over. Emmons points out that we can spend a long time in those early chapters, repeating our mistakes and blaming others for them.
Some kind of mindfulness practice and help us see patterns of our own behavior. They allow us to be able to see what’s blocking our access to fun.
Prasek describes a psychological study. In the book “counterclockwise study” by Ellen Langer, older men were taken to a retreat center and encouraged to act like they were 20 years younger. The center was decorated to seem like it was 20 years ago. This led to significant improvements in physical and cognitive function, suggesting that aging is influenced by mindset.
Participants let go of their shoulds and had fun together.
The ideal life melds meaning and purpose with fun.
“The more we become ourselves,” Emmons says, “the more we feel good in our own skin, we can open ourselves up to have fun. The more we have that inner freedom, the more joy arises spontaneously.”
“To be happy,” Prasek concludes “we need to love, work, and play.”
In your journal:
- are you prone to workaholism?
- how did you play 20 years ago?
- What makes your heart sing? What do you do for fun?