Kind promise: I will open to each moment.

Painting snipThis morning, I wanted my PCA to leave me. I wanted silence. I wanted to be alone with my paintbox and brush.

It doesn’t work that way anymore. As I become more disabled, I need more help.

As I live into this new phase of my life, I will be around people more often. Rather than considering them an interruption or an impediment. I want to increase the amount of time I value their presence. (At the same time, I can more consciously value the moments I’m alone.)

Mindfulness is the path.

Sometimes, I go outside and notice the smell of the earth, the feeling of the fresh air on my face, the beautiful combination of colors in front of me, this sounds of the city. I become aware of the whisper of mint still in my mouth from when I brushed my teeth.

Graphic Source:

What if I slowed down enough to do a stealth sensory appreciation of the people I’m around? I say “stealth” because I am certainly not going to start licking my PCAs. I do want to bring myself back to this moment, instead of wishing for a future when I am onto the next (solitary) thing.

Wait a minute, shouldn’t I be loving people? Oddly, when I “beam love,” I am often putting the focus on myself. I am the one doing the beaming. In a way, that objectifies them. At first, I was thinking “I want there to be no separation between us. We are, after all, so connected that we are one.” That may be The Truth, and it would be a nice thing to remember as well, but I am living my life. Separateness may be an illusion, but it’s my nostrils doing the breathing. I have to step back from the philosophical cliff and do what’s practical.

My assignment for the next week is to bring sensory appreciation to those moments when I am around other people.