Kind promise: I will love in this moment.

What if I lived as if God/love were real?

What if God and love are real?I think they are synonymous. Frankly, I have more faith in love than I do God. I have been blessed to be surrounded by love. I have only seen hate from a distance. I have only felt it in the flash flame of frustration—there for a second and then gone. I have known love as a steady flame that has kept me warm through bitter winds.

God has been slippery—hidden beneath scaffolding of history and rules. When I was 16, I lay in bed and felt holiness pressing down on me and reaching up into the heavens. When I was 22 I relaxed into God-trust with my hands washing a cup in sudsy water.

I lose them both—God and love—when I armor myself in plates of fear, trying to protect myself from pain and abandonment.

If God and love are real fear and worry are unnecessary and I can rest. No more apologies. No more striving. No more not enough.

I want more words because, with reasons and argument, I can build a better case, both for you and for my future, skeptical self.

My right-now self has no words. My right-now self is falling into a pool of God/love stuff where no words are needed.