I am playing with ideas of trusting and planning.

For an experiment in trust, I (an introvert) went to a social event. I moved into an open space, trusting that whoever came into that space would be people with whom I “needed” to interact. Meanwhile, my imagination built a fantasy of new and exciting people moving toward me. Instead, here came the same old folks. I confess I was petty enough to be disappointed. I remind myself that I am not trusting that everything will meet my desires; I am trusting that whatever happens will become a valuable part of my journey.

Then I catch my breath, as I am reminded of the senseless horror that comes to us sometimes. If I were directly affected by the tragedy in Newtown, would I ever be able to trust again? I don’t know.

I know that when I am feeling disappointment or grief or fear or anger, I want to open to it. Then I want to turn toward trust, toward joy, toward compassion. Even if I think I will never feel those things again, I will turn toward them.

To turn, turn will be our delight

till by turning, turning we come round right


(The best thing I’ve read in response to what happened in Newtown.)