I woke up this morning feeling panicky.
Perhaps it’s because I have to go out today and navigate my wheelchair through the 10 inches of snow that fell on Sunday. Perhaps it’s because I spent yesterday reviewing 2012 and attempting to plan for 2013. Perhaps it’s because I feel the Christmastime/year-end to do list weighing me down. It really doesn’t matter.
I felt short of breath. My pulse seemed rapid. My mind couldn’t settle.
I spent 15 minutes in meditation, bringing my attention to my breath again and again when my mind skittered off into fears and hopes. Now I am ready to move forward into my day.
I have just repeated the growth process I identified when I reviewed the last year:
- I set my mind on a goal. In this case, it was planning for next year.
- Monster voices clamor, telling me how this goal will never work. Today they didn’t use words; they used free-floating anxious feelings.
- Connecting with my body and breath, I realize the Big Emotions I’m feeling are not The Truth.
- I forgive myself for believing the monsters. This is important for me, because otherwise, it’s easy to dance another round, this time with self-criticism monsters.
- I remember who I want to be and return to action. I decided to let go of the idea of having a year-long plan for 2013. My thought right now is to choose a theme for each month as the month gets going and work/play with it throughout the month.
My theme for the rest of December is Trust.
When I thought of that word, I remembered this video. Perhaps the popularity of this rediscovered poster speaks to the uncertainty of our times and the life-giving potential of trust.